


Revelations from the MiniBar

by ormache



Category: robron
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-01
Updated: 2016-03-27
Packaged: 2018-05-10 23:11:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 18,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5604508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ormache/pseuds/ormache
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Aaron ends up in hospital after a questionable accident. He is discharged into the care of Robert.</p>
<p>Knowing Aaron wants to avoid Chas and Gordon, Robert take him to a hotel.</p>
<p>They get drunk and actually have something resembling a conversation.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. French beer. Or maybe Belgian.

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first fic I have attempted in several years, apologies in advcance.
> 
> I had been drinking when I wrote this, I henceforth blame any terrible storytelling on this.
> 
> This is probably going to be a one shot, that might change depending on how things play out regarding Aaron's actual revelation on the show.
> 
> Goes without saying that I don't own these characters and no copyright infringement etc is intended.

"Don't try to move too much, the painkillers are good but they're not miracle workers."

Aaron winced as he tried to right himself on the pillows, a dainty nurse in his peripherals. She ambles to the end of the hospital bed he's now realised he's inhabiting and starts scribbling notes.

"We're happy to have you back in the land of the living, MRI scan showed theres no damage to your brain so we are all hoping you can tell us who you are. And then if that goes well, how you came to be found under a viaduct. But let's not get ahead of ourselves, Mr..." she prompted.

Aaron let out a deep puff of breath; even his lungs felt bruised.

"...Livesy."

There was a pause for a few beats.

"No first name, Mr Livesy? I though you were going all Bond style and adding dramatic effect."

"Sorry, Aaron. Aaron Livesy."

He wasn't sure why, but he was warming to this nurse. It could be that she was for all she was tiny, she was feisty. If his friendship with Vic was anything to do by he seemed to be drawn to tiny sarcastic women.

"Eeeeexcellent. Right then Aaron, I'm Claire. Now we've got the niceties out of the way we can get down to business, then if you're up for it I can get you fixed up with a drink. I'm afraid tea, coffee and water is the best I can do but judging by your bloods you've had enough booze to bring down a rhino. Anyway as I was saying. Business. Normally the doctor would be in for this but we are absolutely chocka and to all intents and purposes; you're fine." She says brightly.

Aaron can't suppress the smile she brings out, but the pain in his chest tells him going so far as a laugh might not be a wise idea. Once again he attempts to shuffle up on the pillows and a pained hiss escapes his mouth.

"That'll be the broken ribs." Claire says, consulting the notes in her hand. "Three. Right side. Tissue damage to pretty much all of your intercostals, that's the muscles inbetween them. Best guess is you landed with your arm behind you, which brings up Prize Number 2. Dislocated shoulder. You've been in surgery to have it realigned, it's blind luck you didn't break your collar bone too. To be honest blind luck pretty much sums you up after a fall from that height. Last but not least we have right hip subluxation. It's not dislocated, but it's not sitting right in the joint either. That will sort itself though so no worries there. Like I said MRI when you first arrived showed no brain injury. I know it's easy for me to say because I'm not the one lying in the bed, but you got off lightly."

"Yep. Just a scratch." Aaron winces with what can just about pass for a good humoured snort.

It brings out another smile from Claire at least, who gives his foot a squeeze.

"That's the spirit. We'll have you out of here in no time, free this space up for someone who really needs me to look after them; not a strapping young bloke like you." She winks. "At the minute you're getting your painkillers and fluids intravenously, but seeing as you're awake now we'll get that cannula out and something to drink. You look like a tea man; milk, two sugars, am I right?"

"That easy to read am I?" He smirks shyly.

It's a good forty minutes before Claire returns, and Aaron thinks of how busy she said the ward was; feeling bad that he's here taking up their time when he needn't be.

"Right here we go hin" she says placing a tray on the table by the bed. Alongside the cup of tea there's a tray with dressings and cotton balls. "We'll get that cannula out first, the quicker we get you onto tablet painkillers the quicker you can be allowed home to rest in the comfort of your own bed."

Aaron gingerly raises his hand for her to start peeling away the medical tape holding the cannula in place. Having that shit peeled off hurts worse than the needle being pulled out.

"Right," she says, deftly disposing of the sharps and dressings into the bins at the foot of the bed. "Is there anyone we can call for you? You didn't have a phone when you were brought in, but we can't really let you go without someone to care for you. I mean, you'll be in for at least 24 hours for observation anyway, but best to get the ball rolling soon as. Saves time filling in paperwork later if I know whose capable hands I'm going to be discharging you into, I'll get it all sorted in advance."

Claire talked so much Aaron wasn't really having to string thoughts together, he was just listening to her like he was falling asleep to the radio. Zoned out. The realisation that people obviously needed to know where he was had him jarred back into reality as he flinched at the idea of going back to the pub and seeing his mum and Gordon.

Next port of call would naturally be Paddy, but Aaron was still not on great footing with him since he found out about the affair with Tess. And when it came to not telling things to Chas he was about as reliable as a condom made from tissue paper.

Raising his eyes up from his now cold dregs of tea he saw her looking back expectantly.

Shit.

"Erm. Yeah. Uh. Robert... You'll have to call Robert. If you wanna write it down I can give you his number." He said, inwardly berating himself for knowing Robert's number by heart.

The meds did their thing and knocked Aaron out for what felt like weeks when he found himself being woken by rustling going on next to him. Groggily opening his eyes it took a few seconds for the pain to hit. "Fucks sake..." He mutters.

"Oh charming!" Claire jokingly chastises from his bedside. "And here I was being all lovely and bringing in your painkillers, this is the thanks I get!" Aaron dares to let out another small pained laugh and immediately feels like his chest is splitting. Their brief banter is interrupted by someone crashing through the door. Without looking up Aaron can sense it's Robert. Graceful as a brick as usual.

"Jesus Christ, Aaron!"

"I'm fine." Aaron responds curtly without raising his head. He takes his fistful of pills and knocks them into his mouth with as much force as he can muster. Much as though he wishes he could avoid looking up altogether the spritely Claire hasn't supplied a straw so he's forced to raise his head to drink down the painkiller cocktail.

To his credit, Robert actually looks shocked. Scared, even.

Woah don't go thinking like that, man.

"Wow!" Claire exclaims, breaking the awkward silence. "For brothers you two look nothing alike."

"Brother? Why would you think I'm his brother? Is that what you told her, Aaron?" Robert replies, perplexed.

"Don't be daft. I didn't tell her anything about you. Except your name. Phone number. Obviously."

Claire's usual impish grin was replaced with a puzzled look. "Right, well who are you then? Because I'm afraid I can't just discharge him into the care of any old Tom, Dick or Harry. If I could, I'd just take him home and nurse him myself, isn't that right Aaron?" Playfullness not gone altogether, then.

The blatant joke being enough to ignite the touch paper that is Robert's reflex for jealousy, he looks from the nurse down to Aaron, his teeth grinding.

Looking him straight in the eye; "I'm his boyfriend."

Aaron barely suppresses the snort of derision, knowing infuriatingly he has to play along if he wants to get out of here without involving his mum.

Claire looks down to Aaron, playful grin firmly fixed back on her face. "Boyfriend, eh? Not so easy to read afterall, Mr Milk and Two Sugars." She winks and turns back to Robert.

"I'm done with him for now, so you can make yourself at home for an hour and he can fill you in on why it is not a good idea to drink a pub dry and then walk along viaducts."

She gives aarons good shoulder a playful and gentle nudge as she passes, it still sends pain spasming through his whole torso but he tries not to wince.

As she approaches the door she leans in close to Robert and mock whispers "if you're lucky, he might show you his bruises!" She chuckles as she heads out.

And just like that, it's just the two of them.

There's yet more awkward silence for a few minutes until Aaron pipes up; "you don't have to stay you know."

"Oh yeah, I'll look like quite the caring boyfriend then won't I. Naffing off after all of about eight minutes."

Aaron let's the derisive snort out freely at the boyfriend mention this time.

"Look at you, actually saying you've got a boyfriend and you didn't burst into flames." Aaron notes with a mockingly sappy intonation in his voice.

Robert huffs out a breath and for a second Aaron actually thinks he might leave. Instead he sidles over to the single uncomfortable chair at the foot of the bed.

"So go on then. What's the damage?"

"Nothing major. Broken ribs. Dislocated shoulder. Subsomething or other of my hip. Don't worry I don't need you playing nursemaid. Just get me outta here and I'll take care of myself." Aaron snarls.

"Oh yeah I'm sure you'll do a great job. You'll have yourself back in here in no time. Or worse."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence."

"Oh come on, Aaron! You don't expect me not to realise you did this intentionally do you? I might be a fucking idiot, but I'm not actually stupid!"

Aaron looks away. Yet more uncomfortable silence as they both seethe to themselves.

Robert jumps up from the seat and heads for the door.

"I'll be back tomorrow to pick you up."

He hesitates on his way out of the door, toying with the idea of staying and trying to get Aaron to actually talk but thinks better of it.

The door swings gently closed and Aaron looks at the clock. Well, 20 minutes is better than 8, right? Good job the ward is too busy for anyone to notice the swift departure of his not-so-caring-not-actual-boyfriend.

Even as he thought it he knew he was being harsh. Much as he loathed to admit it, he knew Robert did care. But if there is one thing he cannot be doing with it is letting himself get carried away with knowing Robert Sugden cares about him.

***

The following morning passed by in a quiet drag. Claire hadn't started her shift yet and the nurse in her place was in and out in a flash, evidently they were even busier today.

It was just after 2pm and Aaron, eager to show willingness to get home had spent the best part of half an hour shuffling into his clothes and was in the seat rather than the bed when Claire walked in.

"So! I see you've been up on your feet, that's what I like. Bev told me at handover your hip seems to have settled back into it's joint so that's great. It'll still hurt. A lot. Probably for a few weeks yet, which I'm sure you are thrilled about-" she is cut short by Robert coming in too.

"Afternoon love, its all go in here; poor Aaron is yet to get a word in edgeways! Look at him though, up and dressed and ready to go! From what we've seen we are happy for him to be discharged as soon as we've had the prescription filled -" she faces Aaron "-if you're happy with that. Don't want you to think we're in a rush to get rid of you!"

"Yeah, no that's great. Thanks Claire." Aaron lets out a weak smile.

"Fabulous! I'll go and get your discharge papers all sorted out, check on that prescription and you should be freed into this handsome chap's capable hands in no time. Back shortly!" Practically jogging out of the room, smile still plastered on her face, Aaron realises he is actually going to miss Claire. Which is weird seeing as he's known her all of a day.

"I've brought your phone. You'd left it at the scrap yard. I found it after I overheard Chas losing her nut over not hearing from you. So you'd best tell her you're loving London."

"Oh. Right. Ta. I'll text her then switch it off, last thing I need is her giving me the third degree down the phone."

Aaron visibly winces with the effort of reaching up for the phone with his one functioning arm. It takes all Robert has not to reach out and try to comfort him. Clearing his throat he offers to go for tea from the machine to kill time until they can leave.

They sip their awful excuse for tea from their plastic cups in uncomfortable silence for what feels like hours before Claire finally returns with Aaron's discharge summary and bag of drugs.

"Make sure he is taking these round the clock, you shouldn't be able to forget because in that last hour before the next dose is due he is going to be in agony." She places the bag on the table and gives Robert an unusually stern look, and he is almost tempted to point out he knows agony; he was shot afterall - but thinks better of it. It's not often the tact filter of his brain actually engages. "Plenty of rest, TLC and pharmaceuticals and you'll be right as rain in no time Aaron! It's been a pleasure." One more signature wink from Claire and she's bustling hurriedly out of the door again. These places really are bedlam. Aaron was surprised they didn't have someone else in his bed from the minute he made it onto his feet. The nurses just don't seem to stop. Speaking of being on his feet, it was time to actually get up and go. And Jesus fucking Christ it hurt to move.

"Here, lean onto me. I've got you." Robert says, carefully wrapping an arm around Aaron's waist, trying his damn hardest not to knock anywhere that hurts and knowing he's failing miserably.

It's obvious how much pain Aaron is in, because he doesn't even try to argue. He lets himself be lead out of the hospital to Robert's car; one hand cupped around Aaron's waist, the other holding his good arm by his side. Shallow rapid breaths and nervous tiny steps unconscious signs that he's trying not to hurt him. Aaron's buried yet familiar feelings begin to twitch and he can't help but think he's in deep shit.

*********

Getting into Robert's car was more of a struggle than it had occurred to him it would be thanks to it being about 18 inches off the ground. Wrestling to pull the belt over his slinged right arm, Robert settles in the driver's seat beside him. He takes a moment to watch Aaron struggle. "Here let me."

Aaron wants to bite back that he can do it, but to put it bluntly he can't. He mumbles thanks and they pull away silently.

"I'm guessing you don't want me to drive you home."

"No way. Can you imagine me mum?" Aaron snorts. "Just take me to a hotel and then you can go."

"I don't think so, Aaron. And I'm not arguing with you about it either. Don't worry I can hardly jump on you when you're in that state can I?"

Something stirred deep in Aaron's stomach. "S'pose not." He concedes.

Pushing the flashbacks of them together as deep into the recesses of his mind he could, Aaron stares out of the window for a while and doesn't realise he's falling asleep.

It's dark when the car rolls to a stop, and upon opening his eyes Aaron worries that they've driven for into the night until he remembers it's February so probably only tea time. He begins the long and painful process of attempting to get out of the tiny car, "Do you wanna go and book the rooms or whatever?" He huffs to Robert, aware that he's watching him and not wanting him to realise just how wrecked he is.

"Already done, I called ahead while you were sleeping. Don't worry I booked separate beds."

Aaron finds his feet and steadies himself agaisnt the side of the car. "What time is it?" He asks, hoping it's time for more pills and can't hide his anguish when Robert tells him it's only half 4. An hour and a half to go, and he's already in agony.

Robert opens the boot and pulls out a couple of bags, one of which Aaron recognises as his own.

"Do I wanna know how you got a bag of my clothes?"

They start the unsteady walk into the hotel, which is of course preceded with about a thousand stone steps. Brilliant.

"Come on, it's me Aaron. You know how enigmatic I am." He teases. Sensing Aaron isn't amused he concedes. "Adam and Vic helped me. That's why Chas thinks you're in London. When I heard her going off on one in the pub I went to the scrap yard, found Adam - and your phone - and told him what was going on. Told him you didn't want Chas involved, so he agreed for your sake he would help me. That's why he told Chas you were off to London again. Did you not wonder what I was on about when I mentioned London earlier?"

Aaron takes it in. "I can't believe you told Adam. Bet you told him I did it myself an'all didn't you? Poor tapped Aaron, flinging himself off a bridge am I right?" He hisses.

"Not exactly, no. I said I didn't know what had happened. I'm meant to call him and tell him how you are. You wait here with the bags, I'll get the room key."

Robert struts off to the front desk, Aaron briefly contemplates sitting and then thinks about having to stand up again and thinks better of it. He just wants to get into bed and sleep for a month. God, the beds. There'd better not be any cliche crap about there being a mix up and a double bed being all that's available.

Robert returns with the key cards in his hand, and gathers their bags up from the floor. That's when Aaron realises what's missing. He groans. "Rob, where are my pills?" There's an annoying note of panic in his voice that he didn't intend to be there.

"It's alright Aaron, they'll be in the car." Robert responds, even though he's wracking his brains trying to remember if he actually picked them up in the hospital room.

They get into the room and Aaron heads straight for the bed. Flinging the bags onto his own, Robert digs out his phone. "You get yourself comfortable and I'll check the car." He heads to the minibar in the corner. The perks of opting for an upmarket hotel. He digs out a few mini bottles of Talisker whiskey and passes them to Aaron. "Just incase the pills aren't in the car. These will help you sleep til I get back with more."

"You know they're not in the car don't you?" Aaron responds cynically, but clutches the mini bottles from Rob's hand anyway. "Here then" he hands one to Rob "You're gonna have to at least take the lids off these, Nurse."

Robert gets into the car and doesn't even bother with a courtesy glance around for the bag, he knows it's still at the hospital. He can remember because he vividly recalls having both of his hands on Aaron. Fuck's sake he thinks to himself. He's not even surprised, that's the most annoying thing. He should have known he'd be so weak at the mere fact that Aaron was actually allowing physical contact that his brain would malfunction.

He digs out Aaron's discharge summary and taps the ward phone number into his phone. A quick call later and he's on his way back to the bloody hospital, cursing himself for booking a hotel over an hour away. At least Aaron is vaguely comfortable in the bed, with his whiskey lined up on the bedside table, tv controls in his good hand. Phone within easy reach and a patronising promise from Robert that he should call right away if he needs him.

Bursting through the doors of the ward he heads to the nurse's station and is at least relieved to see Aaron's wise cracking nurse is there.

"Tsk Tsk, you're not doing very good at this looking after him business are you hin?"

You don't know the fucking half of it.

"Yeah, um not much good at this whole care thing." He gives a weak smile. "I'll get there, though" he adds, unsure if it's for her benefit or his own. There's no denying he's feeling somewhat out of his depth, he's never had to actually take care of anyone but himself before.

**********

When Robert finally arrives back at the hotel it's after 8pm. He hasn't heard from Aaron so he's hopeful that he's asleep. Grabbing the bag from the passenger seat he swaggers hurriedly into the hotel and up to their room.

He places the bag on the desk and starts pulling boxes out, popping pills from blister packs onto a tea plate and grabbing a bottle of water from the minibar.

He approaches the bed where Aaron is sleeping, but he doesn't look comfortable and his face is pained even in his sleep. He's loathed to wake him, but knows it's for his own good and he'll rest better when not in agony so he reaches down and places a hand on his stomach.

"Aaron?" He says in scarcely more than a whisper. He leans in closer. "Aaron?" he calls again, moving his hand gently going for a toned down attempt of shaking him awake.

Stirring under him Aaron is reluctantly pulled into consciousness. He groans in pain and Robert rushes to pass him the pills and water.

"Here, you don't need to be awake, just take these."

Aaron gingerly reaches out and grabs the painkillers, throwing them into his mouth inelegently. He eyes the water and looks up to Robert, who remembers too late that Aaron can't get the lid off.

Shit, I really am so bad at this. He thinks as he twists the cap off, holding the bottle out to Aaron.

"Here, you go back to sleep" Robert says as he places the bottle on the bedside table.

"Nah, I'm up now." Aaron says through somewhat gritted teeth as he fights to sit up comfortably.

"Oh, sorry. Right, well I'd better let Adam know you're ok. Do you need anything?"

"Nope." Aaron lies, hoping Robert leaves so he can hobble to the bathroom alone. It would be a cold day in hell the day he accepted help going for a slash.

"Hey Vic. Yeah, he's alright. No he's been discharged, but he wants to stay out of the way so we're in a hotel. Can you let Adam know he's ok? Thanks Vic, I'll call you tomorrow. Night."

Aaron listens from the bed. He sometimes forgets Adam's wife is also Robert's sister. One of Aaron's oldest friends. He shifts uncomfortably as he remembers he's also slept with her.

What even is my life? He thinks to himself.

"Rob?" He asks.

"Yeah, what's up? Do you need something?" He jumps from the bed uncharacteristically.

"I'm starving."

"Shit, course you are. Should I order room service? I know there's a menu aro-"

"Mate, I'd rather have a McDonalds" Aaron cuts Robert off mid sentence. "If you don't mind, that is. I mean I know you've driven all over the shop today already. Eeeeeven if half of that was your own fault." He teases, knowing already that Robert will go anyway. It occurs to him that he, somewhat bizarrely, always has had Robert wrapped round his little finger.

"Yeah, no, no, that's fine. I'll be back in, probably an hour by the time I find one. You just stay put, you'd better not have moved when I get back." Robert warns half seriously.

Aaron offers up a half smile as he heads out of the door. No sooner has it clicked onto the latch, Aaron is battling to get to his feet. Thank fuck McDonald's is miles away. He thinks to himself. It'll probably take me an hour to get back from the chuffing bathroom.

Washing his hands proved to be a challenge. He catches sight of himself in the mirror. Jesus fucking Christ, what a state. He runs his good hand through his curled hair and begins the slow retreat back to the bed.

When Robert finally returns he's looking a little disheveled himself. It's almost 10pm now and Aaron has no idea he didn't sleep the night before. He hands Aaron the bag of food and sits to take off his boots. Aaron catches himself looking at him as he does so. White tshirt, jeans, leather jacket. Recently cut hair fighting a losing battle against his hair wax and starting to flop onto his forehead.

He knows he needs to look away before Robert sees him staring. "Fancy a beer?" He asks.

"I don't think you should be drinking with those pills..." Robert protests, flinging his boots and jacket over a chair in the corner.

"Alright, Nurse. I'm a big lad I'm sure I can cope."

"Fine. Don't blame me if you're wrecked in half an hour." Robert relents, returning from the fridge with a six pack of some French beer. Or it might have been Belgian, Aaron couldn't be sure. Handing an open bottle to Aaron and taking one for himself he places the remaining four on the nightstand that separates their beds. He detours back to the fridge for a couple more whiskey miniatures. "If you're going to be wrecked I might as well join you." He sighs, opening one up and knocking it back. He takes his place on his own bed and settles back against the cushions.

"So," Robert begins "how many drinks will it take to get you to talk about what happened?"

"I dunno, how many drinks will it take for you to talk about, I dunno, anything?"

Robert turns it over in his head for a second. "We'll see when the minibar's empty."

"I think you're seriously over estimating your drinking ability." Aaron teases.

"Yeah well, I think you're seriously under estimating just how much I don't want to talk about...anything."

They sit awkwardly for a few minutes taking gulps of their drinks. Robert leans over to open a couple of full bottles, handing one over to Aaron.

Settling back against the pillows Robert starts, "I've seen the marks on your hands. Your arms. I know you've been hurting yourself." He blurts out quickly and quietly.

"It's not what you think." Aaron responds.

Robert snorts and shakes his head. "Hmm now why would I possibly doubt that."

"Because you're an idiot. I'm telling you, I did not fling myself off that bridge. It was an accident. Unlikely as it looks, I know. I got drunk, and I fell. Simple as that. You have to believe me."

"Alright. Say I do believe you. What about your hands?"

Aaron shakes his head and closes his eyes.

"Now you know you already know the answer to that. And I'm pretty clear on your feelings on it so lets just skip the bit where you call me fucked in the head, alright?" Aaron says with eery calm. He can't even muster the energy to snap at Robert.

"Why?" Robert asks quietly.

"Because I've heard your little speeches about my pathetic self harm a few too many times already thanks very much." He huffs back.

"No. I mean why did you do it? I'm pretty much out of your life. You seemed to be doing alright." Robert says quietly, trying to keep the rising emotion out of his voice and not quite managing.

"Ah now I am not nearly drunk enough to open that can of worms. Besides, it's your turn." He turns his head to face Robert.

"What, you want me to just pick something awful from my life so we can try and psychoanalyse why I'm as messed up as I am? Yippee." He says, voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Pretty much, yeah. So go on, knock that whiskey back and start talking Rob."

He does as he's told and chugs back the burning drink. Breathing in deeply he sighs. "Cliche as it is, I don't even know where to begin."

"Do you want me to go full shrink and ask you questions? 'Cause I will." Aaron threatens.

Robert sinks back the rest of his beer and goes for the third. "Go on then, Dr Livesy. What've I got to lose."

Aaron is taken aback, and fully expects this to lead nowhwere except maybe Robert storming out. He psychs himself up and takes a drink, willing to play along; confident that if Rob does abandon him he can at least manage to get to his pills.

"Alright then. Should I start easy or go straight for the kill?" He asks playfully.

"Hmm where to start... favourite colour? Favourite song? Favourite hideous shirt?" He stops to think for a minute. "Ok. Got it. Do you think you'll ever come out?"

Robert opens his eyes, if only to roll them at Aaron.

"Bit late for that, isn't it? Think you and Chrissie did a pretty good job of doing that for me."

"Nah, no way. That does not count. People finding out you've slept with a man is in no way the same as you actually coming out and saying 'i'm gay' or whatever you are. In a way you should thank me and Chrissie, anyway. Everyone close to you found out in one big dramatic revelation. You didn't have to actually stand in front of someone and say the words."

"Well that's not entirely true. I had to tell Andy."

This takes Aaron by surprise. "How did I not know that?"

"Well, we've barely had a conversation since it all happened, it didn't come up."

"Still doesn't count as coming out though. I mean, you still insist to anyone that'll listen that you're straight. You can't be out and in denial at the same time."

Robert ponders it for a minute, opening another beer for them both and heading to the fridge for another six pack. He's barely got his arse back on the bed before Aaron is starting with another question. "When did you first realise? That you were into blokes, I mean. 'Cause no offence but 29 seems a little old for an experimental stage. And I know I wasn't the first guy you've been with."

"Well how old were you? What makes you think I'd be any different?" Robert huffs.

Aaron lets out a deep puff of breath as he thinks. "I would have been about fourteen. But then I was out by 18. At the time I couldn't imagine ever seeing a day where I would admit that I was gay. But now I can't believe I kept it buried away for so long. Which isn't actually long at all compared to you." He gives Robert a cheeky smile to let him know that he's not mocking him, and is actually genuinely intrigued. "Come on then, how old?"

Robert takes a drink before answering. "Same, really. About fourteen, maybe a bit younger or older I'm not sure. How sad is that?" He laments, finishing off the last half of his beer in one gulp, opening another; well on the way to being tipsy now. "Did the same as you, spent my teens trying to pretend it wasn't real. It's not real if you never act on it, is it? So I made a point of sleeping with girls. Always scared that someone would see through it. It didn't help that we had Andy living with us, golden boy, farmers son, everything I should have been. He had it made for him there. He was already talking about marrying Katie, getting their own farm. His whole boring life mapped out just like that, and I knew my Dad wouldn't want it any other way. I mean, he didn't want them to get married at first, they were just kids. But Andy's lifeplan, his goals, you just knew nothing made Dad more proud than seeing him want to follow in his footsteps. And then there was me, always fucking up, upsetting someone or other. Which I'm sure is of no great surprise to you. Sleeping around, never getting close to anyone terrified that they'd find out that I secretly liked guys. Not much changed really, has it?" He pauses for a minute. "Except Dad not being around. At least I was spared that. Never having to see the look on his face when he would see me and know. Son of a farmer, and the ultimate disappointment." Robert snorted. He closed his eyes to fight off the burning he felt behind them. Get a grip. He tells himself.

Aaron hadn't been prepared for that. How the hell was he meant to respond? People don't confide in Aaron. Least of all Robert. Hell, he doubted Robert ever confided in anyone.

 

For a lack of anything profound to say, he downed the rest of his beer merely so he could speak to ask Rob to hand him another. As Rob passed it over, their fingers brushed lightly. Neither tried to acknowledge it but both stopped dead still for one beat too long.

"How drunk are you?" Aaron asks quietly as Robert reluctantly withdraws his hand.

"Ask another question and find out." He drawls.

When he's met with silence, Robert speaks up of his own accord.

"You wanna know what I'm thinking? I'm thinking I wish I hadn't been so pathetic and had the guts to have just been with you properly. From the off. Instead of trying to fight how I felt about you. Andy would still have Katie. The helicopter wouldn't have come down. Everything with Paddy, your mum. You. Most of all you. I fucked you up so badly."

Robert's voice has that tell tale wobble. Aaron knew he was on the brink of breaking down and if he didn't do it now, Robert would be a mess and the chance would pass; he'd be left battling on his own even longer.

"I can't let you take all the credit for fucking me up unfortunately. My dad's well and truly got you beat there." He says, scarcely louder than a whisper.

Robert lifts onto his elbow and looks across the chasm between the beds into Aaron's eyes.

"How do you mean?"

Aaron takes a shaky drink, emptying his beer.

"You said you wanted to know why. Why I've been hurting myself again. So I'm gonna tell ya." Aaron's own voice wobbling now.

Robert jumps up and sits cautiously beside Aaron, gingerly he places a hand on his raised knee.

Aaron's wet eyes meet Robert's, whose own are shining with tears he won't allow himself to let go of. Bile rises in Robert's throat as he asks shakily.

"Aaron, what did he do?"


	2. Sleepless in Emmerdale

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day Robert gets the call about Aaron being in hospital, and the time up until he picks him up from his POV.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ending chapter one where I did kinda backfired solely because now I can't update until Aaron's revelation has played out onscreen. 
> 
> So in the meantime for anyone who may be interested, I had a go at doing the stuff leading up to Robert collecting Aaron from hospital from Robert's POV.
> 
> I want to thank everyone who left comments on the first chapter, they made my day - I really didn't expect people to enjoy my ramblings!

The restaurant is light and airy, the majority of it being white with the odd dash of overly bright primary colours. The waitresses in royal blue shirts. Table cloths emerald green. The wine glasses all had a swirl of turqoise spiralling up the stem and around the base of the glass. It was minimal. Pretentious. The kind of place where you pay thirty quid for a plate of food small enough to feed a six month old baby.

Robert shifted awkwardly in his seat and fiddled with one of his white gold cufflinks. Clearing his throat he reaches for his pretentious glass of sparkling water and checks his watch. It's been years since he's done this, and he's nervous. He'd gotten here far too early and had spent the best part of twenty minutes fidgeting and trying to look like he hadn't been stood up. Simon wasn't even meant to be here until 2pm and it's only five to. It was a good job he had his car, or he'd be sinking back some good old Dutch courage, and that might not give off a great impression.

He's jarred by the sound of a phone ringing; his phone. He rushes to answer it, clocking that it's an unfamiliar number.  
"Hi, could I please speak with Robert?" A chirpy voice trills down the phone.  
"That's me. How can I help?" Robert says sharply, he's intrigued but wants to wrap the call up quickly before Simon arrives.  
"My name is Claire Sanderson and I'm a nurse at Harrogate District Hospital, I'm calling about Aaron Livesy."  
Robert feels the blood drain from his face and his chest feels tight.  
"Aaron? Wh...what's happened to Aaron?"  
"I'm afraid he's been in an accident. He's sustained some injuries but he's out of theatre and awake. He asked us to call you, so if you could pop up to the ward we can fill you in on the details and arrange having him discharged into your care."  
"Yeah, yeah, um, of course, I'll head straight there." Robert says hurriedly, standing and grabbing his wallet to leave a tip for the waitress despite her having only brought his water.

He cuts the call and heads to collect his jacket, inevitably bumping into Simon on his way in. Saves having to ring and explain in the car, at least.  
"Robert! Leaving already? Was it something I said?" Simon laughs.  
"I'm really sorry about this Simon, but I've got to go. There's been an accident, do you think we could raincheck?" Robert shrugs his heavy jacket on and rams his phone in the pocket. 

"Oh God, I'm sorry to hear that" Simon responds, noting the look of panic on Robert's face and knowing it's not just an excuse to leave. Not that Robert would be making excuses to leave a lunch to discuss such a lucrative business proposition in the first place.  
He reaches out and gives Robert's hand a quick shake. "I'll be in touch. I hope everything's ok."  
Robert gives a thankful half smile and practically jogs out of the door to find his car.

He leaps into the driver's seat and programs the route for the hospital in the SatNav. What's Aaron doing all the way in Harrogate anyway? He must have been bored of the limited nightlife Hotton had to offer. Or he was going somewhere people wouldn't immediately think to look for him. The thought filled him with a cold dread as he tried not to let his mind work a hundred miles an hour churning out just what kind of "accident" Aaron could have gotten himself into, and how likely it was that it was actually an accident at all.

He has a white knuckle death grip on the steering wheel for the entire journey and his hands ached as he clenched and flexed them while he paced quickly into the hospital. Looking at the huge list of different wards he racked his brains trying to think of where he would be, and why he hadn't thought to ask on the fucking phone.

He gives up on the wall map and lunges instead at the main reception area. A quick few taps on the pc keys and some 'down the corridor, turn right, left, right, left...' instructions he had no hope of following with his mind firmly refusing to acknowledge anything beyond how scared he was, and he found himself on the move again. Acute Medical Ward. Of course. What ever happened to Ward 1, 2, 3...?

Pushing through the main doors onto the ward he heads straight for the nurses station.  
"Hi, I had a call. I'm looking for Aaron Livesy?"  
A middle aged nurse with a bright red bob smiles and stands. "Hang on, I'll check if he's on the main ward or in a side room..." she checks a wall chart inside the room behind.  
"Side room seven, love. Just straight down there and on your right."  
"Thanks" Robert calls as he's already making his way down the corridor.

He walks briskly, head craned to the right mentally rhyming off door numbers.  
One. Three. Five. Seven.  
No sooner has his brain clicked that he's arrived at the right room, than he's burst through the door. There's Aaron, lying propped up against his pillows, leaning over towards a nurse that Robert barely registers. His right arm is in a sling. There's a blanket drawn up to his waist so he can't see any other damage, but he looks like hell.

"Jesus Christ, Aaron!" He blurts.  
Aaron doesn't even cast his eyes over to him, instead gingerly grabbing and throwing back a handful of pills from the nurse. "I'm fine."

He tips his head back to take a gulp of water and his eyes meet Robert's. It's so brief most people wouldn't notice it, but Robert feels a twinge low down in his throat as his breath catches. Relief finally sinking in that Aaron is at least alive and not wired up to a thousand machines. He watches intently as Aaron places the cup down and settles his good hand back onto the bed. And that's when he notices the marks. Angry red marks along his fingers. His eyes follow the trail up his arm where there lays a sporadic spattering of cuts, and his whole stomach knots.

The nurse has piped up now and Robert is forced to acknowledge her properly for the first time as she exclaims something about brothers.

*******  
Robert flings himself back into the driver's seat and has to resist the urge to punch the steering wheel. 

His brain is feverishly trying to process everything it's taken in in the past half an hour.  
Dislocated shoulder. Broken ribs. Something wrong with his hip. Marks up his hand and arm. Cuts along his hand and arm. Cuts that don't look much like they came from drunkenly falling from a viaduct. All the way up his hand and arm.

The journey home seems to take twice as long, all of the adrenaline that had the trip to the hospital pass by in a blur having sapped from his body and been replaced with a twisted mess of confusion, heart wrenching emotion and a feeling of being completely fucking lost as to what he is supposed to do.

It's been so long since Aaron's hurt himself, and from the little he had seen of him lately Robert thought he was doing alright. I mean, it was no secret that he wasn't happy about his dad showing up out of the blue but surely to fuck that wasn't enough to drive him to hurting himself again? After Katie, Robert got it. The guilt, guilt that Robert should have seen, and been there to ease - festering away and tearing him apart. Robert had a list of fuckups as long as the motorway he was driving on, and letting Aaron destroy himself over what happened at Wylie's was way up there amongst the worst.

Busy motorways finally tapered off into the familiar winding dark roads of the countryside and yet back in the village was the last place Robert wanted to be. He wanted to turn around, speed straight back to the hospital and see Aaron. Keep an eye on him, make him know that he is there and he's not going to watch him self destruct. Not again.

He let's himself into Vic's dark house and heads for the kitchen. It's only around 5 o'clock so Vic is still working, Adam's probably gone to see her straight from the scrapyard as usual. 

Instinctively he wants to grab the whiskey from the top of the fridge but drinking himself into oblivion seems like too much of an easy option. Instead he fills the kettle and spoons heaps of coffee into a mug with three spoons of sugar.

Taking the sickly sweet concoction up to the tiny box room he is still inhabiting an inordinate amount of time after his shooting, he grabs his phone and fires off an email to Simon. He lets him know that he won't be around for a rehash of their proposal meeting for at least the next few weeks and hopes to fuck that he's understanding. It's personal, unavoidable. The first offer of a job after this whole mess and he might have already fucked it up. It didn't matter though, because there is nothing that would have stopped him getting to that hospital to see Aaron. Nothing had ever been able to stop him seeing Aaron. 

He turned the events of the day over in his mind. Coming to rest on the scene in the hospital. Boyfriend. He'd called Aaron his boyfriend. He'd never used the words "he's" , "my" and "boyfriend" together in his life without there being a stern "not" thrown in. In fact he'd never even had to utter that sentence until everything kicked off with Aaron. He'd never been close enough to any other bloke in his life to even give the faintest suggestion that they were anything other than a quick fuck. 

He'd never allowed himself to foresee a time when he referred to another bloke as his boyfriend. Even now, lying in the dark worrying about the one guy he's ever let himself fall for, and he's still trying to convince himself that his heart doesn't speed up in his chest as he mulls the "boyfriend" over and over in his mind. 

The hours of the night ebb away as Robert throws his thoughts around his head and regrets the vast majority of his decisions in his life. He lies uncomfortably contorted in the single bed that is way too small for him to even fit in properly. Still, he'd take discomfort in the comfort of his little sister's home any day over the alternative of a big bed in a house all alone. 

*******

Finally giving up on sleep around half four, Robert quietly pads downstairs to make yet another coffee. He settles down on the sofa with the tv on low, and that is how Vic finds him dozing when she gets up for work a little before seven.

She tries to stay quiet but she's meant to be at the pub ready to start prep and she still needs coffee and a shower.

She's pouring boiling water into her mug when she sees Robert groggily creep up beside her, reaching over for a fresh mug of his own.

"Robert you look terrible, why don't you go back up to bed?" She asks, concern furrowing her brow.  
"Couldn't sleep, I'm up now anyway. Have you seen the time? Should you still be in your pyjamas?" Robert teases half heartedly.   
"Oh don't, I know I'm gunna be late and i still need to have a shower yet! Tell you what though you get yourself ready and meet me at the pub, I'll fix you up with some breakfast - you look like utter crap." She playfully nudges him in the stomach and races off to the shower, leaving Robert to drink his coffee, reluctantly allowing it to pull him into consciousness; the full awareness of the situation with Aaron creeping back in.

The house is silent again and Robert is getting twitchy. He heads up for a shower and decides to meeet Vic at the pub for a lack of anything else to do while he passes the time until he can go to see Aaron.

pushing through the heavy door, he hears Chas before he sees her; her voice even more shrill than usual signifying that she is upset about something.

"I'm just worried Diane, I mean why hasn't he called?" She whines.

"He's a twenty five year old bloke, pet. He probably didn't think he had to check in with his mum before pulling an alnighter." Diane tries to reason as she helps Chas line up clean glasses beneath the bar.

Robert brushes past and leans on the far end of the bar closest to the kitchen. Diane clocks him and asks; "you alright, love? You look like you haven't slept a wink."

Robert doesn't have time to reply as Vic appears at his side with a plate of food which she duly plonks down on the bar in front of him.

Chas is giving Robert one of her best glares and he can tell she's putting two and two together and getting five. He rises up from the bar and heads out the door, hearing Vic calling after him in indignation that he hasn't even touched his food. 

He pulls up at he scrapyard and sees Adam heading for the portacabin. Hurrying after him he opens the flimsy door and is briefly floored as his brain engages long enough to fire a memory straight into his consciousness. Aaron stripping Robert's clothes off. Pinning him against the wall and kissing him ferociously, before dragging him down to the dusty, oil stained floor and riding the ever-lovin-fuck out of him.

"Alright mate, what can I do for you?" Adam pulls Robert back into the here and now, and he tries to hide any signs of being flustered by his recollection. Robert clocks the surprise in Adam's voice at seeing him. Of course Robert usually timed his visits to coincide with when Adam wouldn't be there.

He casts his eyes around the pokey space and notices Aaron's phone has been haphazardly flung on the desk with a load of papers. He reaches past Adam and pockets it, coming up with his plan.

"Aaron's been hurt, he's in hospital and doesn't want Chas to know. She's at the pub doing her nut 'cause she hasn't heard from him. So I need your help."

"Oh yeah? What can I do? And anyway, what do you mean he's hurt? What's happened? Is he gunna be OK?"

"What you can do is go to the pub. Act casual. Chas is desperate to know where Aaron is so she will be on you like a shot. Just tell her he's gone away to his mate's in London again. His phone was probably flat, he'll be too busy nursing a hangover and you're sure he'll text when he's got himself pulled round. Think you can manage all that?"  
"I dare say so, I'm not a total pillock. What are you gunna do?"  
"While you're talking to Chas I'm gonna to slip through the back and grab bag of his things together. He's gonna need clothes and I wouldn't put it past Chas to go snooping round his room to make sure his stuff's gone." Robert adds, because he can see concern still pulling away in Adam's expression; "he's gonna be fine, you know. I'll call you when I've got him sorted."

They make their way to the pub separately as Robert plans to head straight to the hospital. It's not until he's creeping out the back door of the pub, thanking vic for keeping watch on the stairs having been filled in on the situation, that it occurs to him that he will need clothes too. It keeps slipping his mind that he's not just going to pick Aaron up. He's going to be staying with him. Looking after him.

Having flung some of his more casual wardrobe items together, he chucks his designer holdall in the tiny boot alongside Aaron's battered backpack. There's a metaphor in there, somewhere...thought Robert as he sighed and slammed the boot shut.

The journey to hospital was alot more tedious today. Robert's stomach was turning itself in knots of anticipation, already dreading saying or doing something that would fuck this all up and he'd let Aaron down. Truth be told, Robert felt way out of his depth. He can't deny that he's excited to know he's going to be with him for the forseeable week or so, but he's nervous as hell. They haven't exactly been on good terms lately. Not to mention Robert's complete lack of experience in looking after anyone that's not himself. 

Having found a space in the chaotic car park he once again heads inside the stark white corridors. His phone pings with an email and he flicks his eyes over it distractedly. It's Simon.

"I'm sorry Robert, but we've taken on someone else. Former assistant director at Hillard Associates. We just weren't in a position to wait around for your personal life to sort itself out. No hard feelings."

Fanfuckingtastic. He thinks to himself.

On the bright side though, he can't help thinking as he approaches Aaron's room. There's now nothing else to concentrate on besides trying not to fuck Aaron over even more so than he already is.


	3. x... ou non x?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bit of a jump forward in time from the last chapter, to a scene I am head canoning to explain how Robert and Aaron went from the whole doubting incident, to having a pint in the pub together.
> 
> Obviously things regarding the hospital and revelation played out differently on screen but that is the joy of fiction.
> 
> I'll follow the same plot as the show does from here on in for the most part, if anyone is still interested in reading my waffling that is!
> 
> Apologies that this chapter is a little short but I want to avoid writing forward in time again so this is the most recent thing between Aaron's Revelation and now.
> 
> I hope that makes sense.
> 
> Anywho...

The water crashed over Robert's face, the stinging in his eyes distracting him momentarily from the fact that once again he seemed to have managed to fuck things up.

 

He hadn't meant for it to sound like he was doubting Aaron. At all. Fucks sake, the last thing Aaron needs is to think that he isn't believed. He'd alluded to as much himself when he'd first confided in Robert. Worry showing through. So sure that no one would accept what he was saying. And now here Robert was, scarcely twenty four hours later, and pretty sure he'd just slammed the final nail into the coffin of this barely held together mess of anything resembling a relationship with Aaron.

 

Inhaling deeply Robert dipped his neck and pressed his forehead to the cold tiles of the shower. What the hell was he supposed to do now?

 

First on the to do list should probably be actually getting washed and out of the shower before Vic had a coronary at him using all of the hot water. Unenthusiastically scrubbing his hands though his bubbly hair he fought to plan in his mind the menial things he needed to do next. All thoughts itching to fire back to his reflex to hunt down Gordon and tear him limb from limb.

 

Dressed in jeans and a sweatshirt he padded downstairs, grateful for the greeting of dark silence as he headed towards the kitchen. His comfort was short lived as the unmistakable rattling of keys in the lock sounded from the front door. Vic soon thudded into the kitchen, still clearly flustered from her shift.

 

She fixed her eyes on Robert as she took off her coat and flung it haphazerdly on a hook.

 

"Ah I was hoping I'd catch you..." She said, and Robert immediately knew where this was leading.

 

"So come on then, since when are you and Aaron back on? Are yous together properly now then? I knew you were still hung up on him..." Vic was bustling around the kitchen, putting the kettle on and retreiving some sort of premade pasta bake from a dish in the fridge.

 

"Not now Vic, yeah?" Robert cut her short and headed for the door, his own coat almost an after thought as he grappled with keys and his phone cramming them into his pockets.

 

Vic knew better than to call after him. Getting Robert to talk at the best of times is like pulling hens teeth, especially when he might actually be finally getting his head around things happening with Aaron again.

 

Vic threw the pasta concoction into the microwave, lamenting the fact that being a chef meant she could never actually be bothered to cook proper meals at home. Setting the timer she dug out her phone and fired off a quick text to Diane. "No luck, he's keeping quiet...for now."

 

Robert's genius plan of action had got him as far as deciding he was going to go to David's for a bottle of whiskey. He had no idea where the hell he was even supposed to start with his thoughts, let alone any actions.

 

Shoving into the harsh bright lights of the shop Carly almost jumped out of her skin from her position filing her nails behind the counter.

 

"Jesus Robert you scared the life outta me, I was just about to lock up we don't normally get anyone in this late."

 

With no interest in making small talk, Robert dug his walled out from the tight pocket of his jeans and flicked through for a twenty.

 

"Right, sorry. Erm, I'll take a small bottle of Talisker. Keep the change." He slapped the cash onto the counter and thrummed his fingers impatiently as Carly reached up to retrieve the bottle from the top shelf.

 

"Celebrating are we?" She asked as she handed the bottle over.

 

Robert looked up and made eye contact. "No." He mumbled bluntly as he shoved the bottle into the inside pocket of his coat, turned on his heel and headed out of the shop.

 

At a loss of where to go without being questioned, he dipped his head low against the biting wind and headed towards the church.

 

Settling onto the floor, he retrieved the bottle from his pocket and took a genorous gulp. The burning of the liquid jarring against the cold seeping through to his bones from the icy ground. Knees pulled up against his chest he wraps his arms around his legs, cradling the bottle in his clasped hands; not bothering to replace the top.

 

Robert missed his mum. It felt like a lifetime since she was here. He sat in silence by her grave until he couldn't stand the cold any longer. He could have attempted to confide in her but what would be the point? All that was there was her headstone. She couldn't help. Hell, he wouldn't know where to start even if she was here and could. Straightening out his aching legs he realised he'd barely actually touched his whiskey. No matter, he'd go back to his cosy yet tiny bed back at Vics and finish it there until he passed out into a hopefully thoughtless, alcohol fuzzed sleep.

 

His bottle safely tucked back into his pocket, he bunched his hands into his jeans and headed back towards the cottage.

 

Approaching the Woolpack he heard voices. Aaron and Gordon. His stomach dropped and his blood ran cold as he stopped in his tracks and tried to catch what was being said. A few more hushed words passed between them and then the unmistakable sound of a car door. As Gordon tore out of the carpark and drove off, Robert tried to psych himself up to round the corner and see if Aaron was still around. His body took over where his brain wouldn't and he approached the pub. Aaron was unsurprisingly still there, rooted to the spot in the dim glow of the light behind. Robert's breath caught as he prepared for Aaron to lash out and tell him to leave him alone. He wouldn't really blame him.

 

"Hey..." Robert began quietly. "You alright?"

 

Aaron nodded; a tiny movement that would be easy to miss.

 

"You keeping watch over me or something? What you doing out here at this time?" Aaron brought a sleeve up to his nose as he sniffed and scuffed his feet before finally bringing his eyes up to meet Robert's.

 

"I was restless. Didn't know what to do with myself, I was going mad at home going over and over everything. So I went to see my mum."

 

It took Aaron by surprise but he didn't show it, another tiny nod and he looked away.

 

Silence beat between them, neither one really knowing what to say next.

 

"He's gone."

 

Now it was Robert's turn to simply nod. "Listen, Aaron, I really am sorry for what I said. I dunno know why I let him get in my head. But I pro-" Aaron cut him off before he started outright begging for him to forgive him. "S'alright Robert. Believe me I know how easy it is to let him get inside yer'ed. I'll catch ye later, yeah?"

 

Before Robert could respond, Aaron headed back into the pub.

 

Robert watched the doorway for several beats after Aaron had already disappeared through it, not entirely sure what had happened. Aaron hadn't kicked off and told him where to go. He seemed ok. Were they ok? Tearing his eyes away he hunched against the cold once more and headed back to Vics.

 

The lights were off when he arrived, Vic and Adam already sleeping.

 

As he plonked onto his bed, the only light coming from a kooky lamp of Vic's atop the tiny bedside table, he settled back against his pillows and took a bracing gulp from the generous glass of whiskey he'd poured. The remainder of the bottle dimly illuminated on the table, a comforting presence in case he started thinking too much again.

Running his thumbs over his phone, he finally found enough courage to send Aaron a message.

"Just remember, I'm here. x." He stared at it for a long minute. Deleted the 'x'. Typed it again. Deleted it. Tipped his head back a little too hard against the wall in frustration. Retyped the 'x' and pressed send before he could mentally talk himself out of sending any message at all and knocked back the last dregs of his drink.

He'd poured another glass and had his eyes screwed tightly shut against the world, willing the thoughts doing a hundred miles an hour in his head to just stop for a minute, when he felt his phone vibrate gently on the bed. Sitting bolt upright he sloshed whiskey over the edge of the glass. "Bollocks!" He hissed, slamming the glass on the table and wiping his hand inelegantly on his jeans.

He didn't realise he'd been holding his breath until he read the message again and again about a dozen times, finally letting out a deep and inadvertantly wobbly breath.

"Pint tomorrow..?x"


	4. What if I never saw you again...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert finds out Aaron has left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter, and I *know* I said I wouldn't be writing "in the future" again but I just had to do this because I am DESPERATE for these emotional Robert scenes with Chas, and I had to write this incase the reality doesn't live up to my own expectations of blind hope for shameless sobbing from Robert.

"Look Mum, I'm sorry but I've *got* to get away, I can't do it. You've seen the way everyone looks at me. Pitying me. Not speaking, but looking anyway like I'm some kind of flipping freak show."

Chas opened her mouth to protest, but he was right. Like it or not, no one knew how to process the news.

"Please Aaron. For me, please just stay for me. I don't think I could cope if you left me for good."

Chas tried to get a hold of herself, but the telltale squeek in her voice gave away the bordering hysteria she felt threatening to consume her at the fear of Aaron vanishing from her life again.

"Please. I can't say goodbye to you again. I just can't..." Her voice trailed off.

"Well then let's make it a see you later. Come 'ere" Aaron responded pulling her into a hug.

After a long while, but all too quickly for Chas, he pulled away and reached for the holdall by his feet."

"Where you gonna go?"

"Mate of mine lives down in Bournemouth, said I could stay with him for a bit. Don't worry you'll be the first to know when I move on. Well, only one actually." He added with a little shrug, a resigned tone to his voice.

"You know he's not going to believe me if I tell him I don't know where you are." Chas responded, picking up on his hint that he hadn't told Robert where he was going. Or indeed that he was going at all.

"Well... you'll just have to be convincing won't ya? I mean it Mum, you can't hell him. He'll only come looking for me."

With that he leaned over and kissed Chas on the cheek, opened the door and left.

He looked back over his shoulder to see her in the doorway, pulling her cardigan tightly around herself.

"I'll call you soon. Promise."

Chas sniffed and gave a tiny nod with a tight lipped smile. She really hoped it wouldn't be the last time she saw him.

 

"Alright? How you feeling today?"

Robert hit send and tried to suppress the rising panic in his chest. He hadn't seen or heard from Aaron since the night before, and he was starting to get worried. Shit, who was he kidding, he'd been worried from the minute he didn't answer his phone hours ago.

He turned the phone over in his hands a few times and it was quickly clear that Aaron wasn't going to reply. Ramming it quickly in the pocket of his jeans he headed for the door, grabbing his jacket on the way out.

It was lunchtime and the pub was busy. Shoving through the heavy doors he scanned behind the bar for Chas.

She froze when she saw him approach.

"Chas, have you seen Aaron?"

She took a few seconds to respond.

"He's not here. It's probably best if you aren't either. We're rushed off our feet and I really don't have the time for you."

She made eye contact and turned to leave.

"Chas! Please..." Robert begins in an urgent whisper, "I haven't heard from him since last night. I'm worried. If you haven't heard from him either th-"

"He's gone, Robert." Chas cuts off.

He stops mid flow, brow furrowed, eyes wide.

"Gone? How'd'ya mean...gone?" He swallows, trying to keep his voice even and failing.

"Here, come out the back. We don't need a scene."

"You think I CARE about making a scene??" Robert shouts, his voice noticeably cracking.

Chas shoots him a look and heads for the living room out back. Robert rushes from the bar to follow, barging through the clustered groups of lunch time drinkers. He swears the pub hasn't been so busy in months.

 

He spills into the living room after chas, shoving the door closed behind him. He takes a deep breath, hands on hips, and addresses Chas who is leaning over the sofa with her back to him, arms spread to steady herself.

"What's going on Chas?" He croaks out.

She takes a deep breath and lifts her head.

"He's gone. I don't know where. He left last night. All he said was he would be in touch."

Robert felt like his heart had dropped into the pit of his stomach. His lungs felt like they couldn't take in any air and his head was spinning. Every metaphysical reaction he always thought was an exaggerated cliche hit his body at once as he fought to process just what this meant.

He'd lost him. After everything. Just as he was starting to allow himself to face what being in love with Aaron meant, and he'd lost him. 

Chas pushed up from her support on the back of the sofa and turned to face him.

"Is..." Robert's hand reflexively reached for his face and rubbed his forehead. It dropped to his side as he swallowed and carried on "is he coming back?"

Chas pursed her lips and closed her eyes.

"No..." Robert felt like he'd had the wind knocked out of him. "No, Robert. He's not."

The heel of her boots clicked against the floor as she shuffled her feet trying to keep her composure. She could do this. Any second now he would storm out. She opened her eyes.

Robert was swaying uneasily from foot to foot, one hand on his hip, the other clenched in a fist at his mouth as he looked at Chas. His eyes pleading, pleading for something they both knew neither could provide, realisation sinking in that Aaron really had gone and he might never see him again.

It was probably the maternal instinct in her, that's what she would tell herself anyway, but before her brain could register what she was doing, her feet had her moving quickly towards Robert.

She wrapped her arms around him, his frame deceptively larger than she expected it to be; every nerve in her body on hyper alert as he reached around and cluctched at handfuls of her cardigan with desparate hands. It was the last thing she had expected and she had no idea what to say, so she said nothing and clenched her eyes tightly shut. He leaned down burying his head in her shoulder, one of her hands instinctively coming up to the back of his head as she felt him collapse into her with heavy sobs.


	5. When my mind stops thinking, And my eyes stop blinking I hope... Somebody's there

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The night Aaron slept on Robert's (Ok, fine Vic and Adam's) sofa.

Robert knocked back the final dregs of his pint and toyed with the idea of ordering another. Drinking alone was boring, and he'd had just about enough. He stole a glance to Aaron, chatting with Vic and Adam and smiling properly for the first time in weeks. There's a part of him deep inside that wants to go and join them, but he thinks better of it. Partly because he doesn't want to disrupt the happy dynamic, and partly because he doesn't feel like dealing with the rejection should they tell him to get lost.

Slipping off his bar stool he heads for home, not realising Aaron is watching him leave.

"Right I'm off to the bog, you fancy one more?" Adam asks.

"Yeah, why not." Aaron replies heading to the bar. Two pints, and a vodka and orange for Vic. He plonks down on his seat, placing the drinks on the table just as Adam returns.

"Babe I'm starving. D'you just wanna order a curry?" Adam whines with puppy dog eyes, leaning in close and pressing his forehead against Vic's.

"Thank God you asked, I can NOT be bothered to cook tonight. You having the same as always? I'll order on my phone so we've not got long to wait once we've had these." Glancing at the drinks, Vic notices Aaron looking a bit more withdrawn than he has all night.

"Here, Aaron you fancy coming back to ours for a curry? Actually, I'd best order something for Rob too, he hasn't eaten either. Whaddya reckon?"

Aaron glances in Adam's direction. "I dunno Vic, I don't wanna be in the way." He grimaces awkwardly, clocking Adam's hand on her thigh.

"Here, don't be daft mate!" Adam pipes up. "Come on, it'll be a laugh."

Aaron mulls it over, trying to convince himself that his heart isn't beating that little bit faster at the thought of Robert being home.

***

Back at the cottage, Robert was stood under a red hot shower. His eyes clenched tightly shut, as the water ran down his face. Hands running across his body on autopilot as he lathers himself in shower gel, he tries to ignore the electric spasm of his dick as his hand briskly skims over it. He blew out a deep breath through his nose, grinding his teeth and trying to refocus on something other than the undeniable swirls of arousal stirring deep in the pit of his stomach. Something about tossing off in the shower just left him uneasy, he felt like a naughty teenager hiding away and getting his kicks where he could.

There was no denying it though, he did have to get his kicks somehow. It had been months. Eight months. Eight long months of no intimate contact whatsoever with anyone barring his own hand. Hell, he hadn't been this sex deprived since he _was_ a teenager.

His train of thought inevitably lead him to the last time he'd fucked Aaron. Images danced across his mind of him being undressed in the portacabin as Aaron quickly stripped him. There was something about Aaron taking control, being the one to kiss Robert and strip him down, that had been so fucking hot that even now Robert went weak just thinking about it.

At this point there was no avoiding the fact that he had a stubbornly impressive hard on that was going nowhere in a hurry. The horny inner teen won out over his shame and it was almost embarassing to himself just how good it felt to finally take his dick in his hand and start stroking.

He could smell the lingering oil and bodyspray scent of the portacabin as he let the memory wash over him and play in his head.

The crash of their lips against each other's mouths as Aaron pressed into him, kissing ferociously. The cold when he'd taken Robert's shirt off instantly bringing him out in goosebumps. Undoing Robert's belt, his fingers brushing the tight bulge where his dick was already fighting to be free and making Robert's breath catch in his throat. Robert's hands still on Aaron's hips, aware that he was almost completely naked and Aaron remained fully dressed but too absorbed in how good it felt to have Aaron undress him so quickly and passionately for him to do anything about it. It didn't matter anyway, as soon as he had worked Robert's jeans down his thighs he set about undoing his own jeans. Kicking his boots off, the jeans and boxers followed quickly after. He wrangled his hoody off but left his shirt in place, but Robert didn't have time to object as Aaron dragged him down to the floor on top of him.

Muscle memory kicked in at the recollection of him pushing into Aaron urgently, and everything drifted out of focus as he came hard and fast under the running water.

He pressed his head against the cold tiles, breathing rapidly. The all too brief euphoric cloud dispersing and making way for embarassment as he reached for the shower gel to get washed again.

 

***

Pulling on a pair of sweatpants, Robert ran the towel over his hair, leaving it damp and spiked. He threw the towel over his shoulder, and headed for the kitchen to make a drink. The house was still dark and quiet, and he took a second to knock the tv on. Silence always made him uneasy. Scared even, which was probably stupid but he couldn't help it.

The glass clinked violently on the counter top and Robert unscrewed the cap from a bottle of whiskey. He pours a dash into the glass, and then realises he will probably be alone for at least a few hours yet. Slopping in another generous serving, he's taken aback by the sound of the front door. Adam and Vic pour through clearly half cut and pawing at each other, he was about to make a sarcy remark when he clocks Aaron follow behind and close the door.

Their eyes meet, and they hold the look for those few beats too long. Too long to be a platonic acknowledgement, long enough for Adam and Vic to notice it and share their own look. The look that said Aaron and Robert weren't fooling anyone except themselves.

"Alright Rob?" Vic asks brightly, breaking the silence. "We decided to come back for a few drinks and a curry, I ordered your usual 'cause I know you haven't eaten today. If you wanna join us that is..." she trails off.

"Uh yeah..." Robert tears his eyes away from Aaron and forces himself to look at Vic, telling every nerve ending in his body to just act normal even though his heart was inexplicably beating at double speed merely from the fact that Aaron was in his home. It was then that he remembered he wasn't wearing a shirt. And that he had an ugly four inch scar running down his chest from the surgery after he was shot.

"...thanks Vic, I'd um.. best go put something on." He managed to blurt out and pushed through them to break for the stairs.

***

Padding back down the stairs, he can hear the laughter from the living room. Something inside immediately assumes they're laughing at his expense, but he tries to shove the worry from his mind. Grabbing the whiskey from the side, he strolls into the living room, looking as casual as he can manage.

"Here you're not in some big house now, trying to impress people with your fancy scotch. You can slum it with cheap cans of beer like us lot." Adam jokes, handing Robert a can.

"Alright, that's me told." Robert smirks and makes his way to the side table to put the glass down.

"Here I'll have it." Aaron pipes up. "No point in it going to waste just for you to try and prove a point is there?" He smirks to Robert and reaches out for the glass, taking it and knocking the burning amber back in one.

He breathes in harshly through gritted teeth. "Mate, there is no way you can actually *enjoy* drinkin' that. It's like battery acid."

Robert wished he had a witty retort, but he was too busy smiling despite himself at Aaron. A snapshot of memory from the shower flitted into his brain and he tore his eyes away, with a blush threatening to rise to his face.

"Yeah, well, I'll be over here really enjoying my lukewarm cheap can of beer like you real blokes." He managed with what he hoped came across as a playful smirk and not a look of hopeless adoration.

Adam and Vic were entwined on the sofa and Aaron was occupying the only arm chair, so Robert plonked down on the floor opposite, his arms resting on his rised knees, and took a big gulp of what was, admittedly, terrible beer.

"Hey speaking of real blokes" Vic begins with a note of mocking in her voice as she enunciates the word blokes, "Adam tells me you actually did pretty well keeping the yard ticking over while Aaron was away. I'm surprised, you never were one for manaul labour."

"Yeah well, I'm better with my brain but I've still got brawn I can use when I need to. Always have been pretty good with my hands." Robert quips.

"That was... way more information than I needed, mate" Adam interjected.

"No, now that's just your mind, Adam." Aaron chuckled, drawing Robert's attention back to him.

The potentially awkward turn in conversation was mercifully halted by a knock at the door as the food arrives. Aaron stumbles to the door, grabbing for cash from his pocket and wadding it in the delivery driver's hand. Closing the door and piling the brown paper bags onto the bench Vic wraps her arms around his waist from behind.

"Babe, we paid online when we ordered. You've just given him a forty quid tip." She sniggered into his collar.

"Shiiiiit..." Adam groaned as everyone laughed.

***

As everyone's finishing up with their food, Vic swallows down the last of her warm, flat can of beer and stretches.

"Babe, I am _knackered_. You wanna head up to bed?" She asks Adam, Robert looks away from her so he can convince himself he didn't see the obvious look she is giving Adam as she hints that they should leave Robert and Aaron alone.

Taking his cue, Adam responds; "yeah I'm done in. You two'll be alright won't you?" He looks pointedly at Aaron.

"Yeah. Yeah, we'll be fine mate you get yourself to bed. I'll be asleep myself soon anyway."

Adam gives a little nod and allows himself to be lead up the stairs by Vic.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" He whispers as they tumble into their bedroom.

"Definitely. Can't you see it? They're obviously still mad about each other." She declares while stripping down to her pants and climbing under the covers.

"I know." Adam concedes and follows after her, snaking his arm around her waist and drawing her in close.

"Well, then we have to leave them to it. You know I'm right." Adam kissed her on the top of the head and closed his eyes, breathing her in and believing that she knew what she was doing. She did have a point.

***

Hearing the bedroom door click shut, Robert rose to his feet and went for another couple of beers. As he returns to the living room, he heads for the sofa and hands Aaron one of the cans.

He sits and stretches his long legs out before him. "My arse is numb off sitting on that floor."

"Yeah this tiny armchair isn't exactly comfortable either." Aaron responds. "Here, shift your legs." He nudges Robert's knees over and flops down on the sofa beside him.

There's awkward silence for a minute as they sip their beer, both feigning nonchalance.

"Do you wanna stick something on to watch?" Robert asks, indicating the comedy panel show playing away on the TV in the background.

"Nah, you're alright. I'm half asleep anyway." Aaron mumbles, his eyes already heavy.

"I can take you home if you want to go to bed, or you can sleep in mine, I'll sleep down here." Robert offers, realising suddenly just how exhausted Aaron looks.

"Don't worry about it, I'm alright here." Aaron says, his eyes closing for that split second too long with every blink, a telltale sign that he was already falling asleep where he sat.

***

Aaron's eyes had been shut for a while, and he was definitely drifting off. It was only then that Robert realised that he hadn't taken his eyes off him since he spoke last. Every muscle in Aaron's body was slowly starting to relax as he fell into unconsciousness, and Robert leaned over him to prise the half full can of beer from his loosening grip.

Reaching over to put the can on the floor, his stomach pressed against Aaron's side. He stirred beneath him and pulled his legs up onto the sofa, curling in on himself and trapping Robert under his legs.

For several beats, Robert stayed dead still. Not wanting to jar Aaron awake and have their closeness disturbed. He let out a shallow breath he had been inadvertantly holding, and placed a hand on Aaron's leg, rubbing his thumb in light circles against his calf.

He has no idea how long he's sat there, part of him wants to stay there all night but he didn't have a clue what he would say to Aaron when they woke together, cramped and contorted on the tiny sofa. Or to Adam and Vic for that matter, if they should happen to wake first and find them. He wasn't sure he could pull off casual indifference if he was discovered snuggled around Aaron like he never wanted to let go.

 

With a heavy reluctance, he moves Aaron's legs from his lap, laying them down on the space he had occupied. He didn't want to leave him there as he was, without Robert acting as a giant hot water bottle he would get cold. Yet Vic had either assumed he would be sharing Robert's bed or would be going home, so had neglected to leave anything in the way of a blanket downstairs for him.

Robert heads to his room, and grabs the blanket from his bed. Returning to the living room he places it over Aaron and settles down in the arm chair, watching him, looking peaceful and calm. He wished he could be like that all the time.

He points his attention towards the TV and shuffles down, getting comfortable.

***

Vic and Adam tiptoe into the living room, not entirely sure what to expect.

Taking in the scene before them, Vic smiles and nudges Adam; "how cute is that?" She gestures at Robert's blanket draped over Aaron, as Robert is sleeping folded in on himself in the chair and undoubtedly freezing.

Adam lets out a half smile, unable to dispute the scene before him, and pulls Vic into a hug.

"Let's go to the pub, give these two some space and you can cook me breakfast." He says as he plants a gentle kiss on her lips and she smiles warmly back up to him. She allows herself to be lead towards the door, sneaking one last look at Robert and Aaron, content that the two are on their way to accepting that they're still crazy about each other.


	6. This is me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The night before the plea hearing, Robert ends up with an unlikely lonely drinking comrade. 
> 
> After court, he heads away from the village and comes back without his wedding ring.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is probably long winded and not all that much Robron interaction but Robert needs a friend damn it. 
> 
> Also seeing as the wedding ring removal went by completely unmentioned on screen I needed to put *something* about it in there.

"I want him to feel safe when he comes face to face with that... man. And if that means having you there, well then I can't stop you. Just think about it, that's all I'm saying."

Chas relented, before stalking off back behind the bar.

Robert's immediate reaction was happiness that he could be there to support Aaron, followed quickly by the churning nerves he had been trying to force down. He had to be strong for Aaron, he was the important one here. Still, he couldn't deny that he was dreading sitting thoughout the impending court hearings, having to see that despicable excuse for a human that was Gordon. 

With a lack of a better idea, he sat quietly and drank his pint. A tiny part of him hoping that Aaron might reappear and drink the full one he'd abandoned earlier. He never did, and by the time Robert had slowly supped his, he was sick of his own company. 

Heading back home, hoping to find Adam and Vic so he at least had someone to make small talk with he was despondent to see that the house was in total darkness. Typical that this would be the night they had chosen to go on a rare date. Changing course, he headed instead for the shop.

Carly's head shot up from where it had been resting on her folded arms across the counter.

"Jesus Robert! You're making a habit of scaring the life out of me on your late night shopping trips."

"Were you asleep?" Robert asked, in a playfully accusing tone.

"Course not! I was, y'know, meditating..." She fronts out. "What can I do for you?"

"I need something to drink that'll make spending the evening alone and bored watching crap telly more interesting." 

"Rosé wine, that's what I'll be using." Carly nodded earnestly. "Here! I've got an idea." She blurted.

Robert cocked an eyebrow, waiting for her to elaborate.

"Well, you're bored and lonely. I'm bored and lonely. And I can lock up as soon as you leave. Come and have a drink at mine, we can be sad, lonely and bored 20 somethings together!"

"How can I say no to that?" Robert said sarcastically.

"Exactly!"

"I was obv-" he began, but Carly interrupted him.

"No, you're not getting out of it now! Besides, I am literally your best offer."

"Wow you really know how to make people feel good, no wonder you're single."

"Bit rich innit? Considering you are an'all. Face it, we are _just_ as sad as each other." She shook her head in mock dismay and started loading bottles of wine into a bag. "You're paying for this lot by the way." She said over her shoulder.

Robert stood in the cold, nursing his bag full of wine while Carly set the alarms and locked up the shop.

Taking him by the arm she lead him to her house, like a parent leading a reluctant child to the dentist.

Bustling into the quiet house she hushed Robert before he had even opened his mouth. "Nessa and Johnny must already be in bed, so we'll have to keep quiet."

"Well this night just gets more exciting by the minute doesn't it?"

"Shut it you and get a couple of glasses, I'll be back in a sec." Carly yanked her boots off and flung them behind the door, he was surprised when she actually bothered to hang her coat up on the way up the stairs. The obnoxious part of him wanted to just leave, but he couldn't deny that actually, he was glad to at least have some human company that wasn't emitted from a tv screen.

He placed the bag on the table, trying not to overbalance any of the several bottles Carly had picked out and risk claterring them loud enough to wake Johnny. He took a couple of cheap wine glasses from the cupboard and grabbed the first bottle from the bag that his hand came to.

Besides the odd glass of something pretentious with dinner at Home Farm, Robert had never been one for drinking wine.

He was surprised when he turned around and Carly was on the sofa, donned in a deeply unflattering pink onesie.

"How can you get round the house that quietly?" He asked.

"It's a mother thing."

Robert cocked a brow.

"Well, y'know, a woman thing I mean." She backpedalled quickly. "All women, they're mothers underneath aren't they? Just not all of them have babies yet." She plastered a big smile on her face "-anyway, here pass that wine!"

Robert handed over a glass and tipped the bottle to pour her a generous serving, before pouring the remainder of the bottle in his own glass. That's the thing with cheap wine glasses, they're always huge. 

"Come on then" Carly says, patting the space next to where she's curled on the sofa, legs crossed under her like an overgrown toddler in her fluffy onesie.

Robert sits with palpable tension, knowing awkward silence is about to follow. Why did he let the lonely side of his brain overrule the stubborn side and actually think this was a good idea? He's never had more than the odd fleeting exchange of words with Carly before and now it feels like some kind of awkward first date, only without the potential of sex on the line he is left with no incentive to make any effort. It's been a long time since he's actually tried to just befriend someone with no ulterior motive and he has no idea how to go about it. Drinking until he's too tipsy to be self conscious is probably a good start, so instead of sipping from his glass like he usually would, he knocks back a big glug like a kid sneaking cider behind a bus stop.

Carly is also knocking it back, presumably racking her brains for a topic of conversation.

"I've got an idea!" She bursts out with suddenly.

She leaps up and goes to the table for a second bottle of wine, mostly full glass still in hand. Clocking that this bottle is corked she begins rustling about in the drawer for a corkscrew. She plonks it next to the bottle, and without a word knocks back her whole glass in an impressively quick succession of gulps. Making a face she says to Robert "right, now you do the same. You've got til I open this second bottle to finish it, and then we are gonna drink as much as we have to until we actually find something to talk about."

It was an interesting, and clearly terrible idea, but Robert did as he was told. Because he couldn't come up with one good reason not to.

"That..." he starts once he's finished "is _not_ a good wine."

"Well just as well we have many more to try then isn't it!" Carly bounds over and sloshes the second offering into his glass.

"Maybe we should talk about your mild alcoholism. How many bottles did you actually buy?"

"Six, but I reckon you'll probably pass out before we get through them all."

"Or die of alcohol poisoning..." Robert mumbles into his glass as he tastes whatever pink booze this was.

Carly made her way to the sofa, and backtracked halfway there in order to grab thee bag of wine, chucking it on the floor in front of the sofa.

"There we go! Now we don't need to move for the rest of the night."

"So... what should we talk about then? The weather? Politics? Blokes?"

Robert took another glug of wine "I wondered how long it'd tek ya." He didn't think the wine was affecting him yet, but the increasing thickness of his accent said otherwise.

"What?!" Carly protested with faux innocence.

"What is it with people trying to get drunk so they can tek advantage and get me to talk? Normally people tek advantage by sleeping wi' folk, but no everyone just thinks I need some sort of meaningful chat all of a sudden."

Robert was pouting like a moody teenager, he couldn't help it. Defensive juvenile seemed to be his go-to reaction for a surprising amount of encounters.

"Are you saying you want me to get you drunk and sleep with you?" Carly let out a laugh.

Robert turned and looked straight at her, a look on his face that told Carly that she was being ridiculous and Robert didn't find it particularly funny.

"Right yeah, of course you don't, obviously."

"Oh it's _obvious_ is it?" Robert huffed.

"Y'know... you're very defensive for someone that insists they've got nothing to get off their chest." Carly ventured.

"Yeah well, I've had years of practice. Anyway, enough of laying into me, whats up with you, not fucked David yet?"

For a second Carly thought Robert was was having a proper dig at her, until she caught sight of the cheeky smirk turning up at the side of his mouth. 

"Course I haven't he's my boss!" She turned it over in her mind for a minute. "Mind, I wouldn't say no if he offered... Don't you dare tell anyone I said that." She warned.

Robert laughed. "Oh yeah and who would I tell? Hardly Mr Popular over here am I?"

Robert finished his glass and took it upon himself to lean over and hunt for whatever pink alcoholic offering was up next.

Twisting off the cap of a decidedly cheap looking bottle he topped Carly's glass up before filling his own.

"Aw it's alright Rob, you can be my gay best mate."

Robert gave her a deadpan look. "Don't push it."

At that second Leyla burst through the door, both Carly and Robert turned to shush her in unison.

Leyla sucked in a breath, a harsh grimace on her face.

"Sorry! I saw the lights were on I thought maybe Nessa and Johnny were still awake! Anyway-" She paused taking in the scene before her. "-what's going on here?" She shrugged off her long coat and chucked her boots into the same makeshift pile as Carly had earlier.

"Oh nothing, we're just getting delightfully pissed and declaring Robert my newfound gay best mate." Carly looked at Robert and winked. He wanted so much to be pissed off at her for it but her charisma had Robert actually letting out a laugh, ignoring the part of his mind that still, after everything, immediately wanted to vehemently deny any insinuation of being anything other than straight.

"Sounds fun, gimme a minute to get in me jammies and I'll join you!" Leyla shurgged excitedly and stalked on tiptoes up the stairs exaggeratedly to mark that she was making effort to not wake Nessa and Johnny.

Chucking herself in the armchair a few minutes later, her own glass full, Robert shook his head.

"Rosé wine and two gorgeous women in their deeply unsexy pyjamas. This might be the gayest night of my life." He professed before taking a drink.

"Well, I'm not an expert or anything, but I think those nights you spent cosying up to Aaron might _just_ have been _slightly_ more gay." Carly grinned as Leyla let out a high pitched squeek of laughter.

"Yeah I think she's got a point Robert." Leyla agreed.

"Yeah well, Carly wants to fuck David." Robert retorted.

"I CANNOT believe you!" Carly shouted as loudly as she dared, which really was more of an emphatic whisper.

"Robert grinned widely, happy that the heat was now off him. 

 

****

 

Aaron zipped up his hoody and grabbed his keys from the side. It was late, but he was going out of his mind trying not to think about court tomorrow. Heading out in the dark towards his car, at first he didn't see it. A glint caught his eye, and he looked down.

Bile rose in his throat and his eyes immediately prickled at the sight of the word 'LIAR' carved into the side of his car. His heart was beating like a rabbits and his hairs were standing on end like someone that thought they'd just seen a ghost.

Terrified that Gordon was watching from the darkness, Aaron turned and rushed back into the house. He was met by Chas in the backroom.

Looking like a deer caught in headlights, she immediately knew something was wrong. She rushed to Aaron and grabbed his arms.

"What's happened love? Aaron?"

"He's been here." Aaron blurted quickly, a tear escaping against his will.

"Who? Gordon? No, please no tell me he hasn't!"

Aaron nodded. "He's scratched me car-" he stutters out "-it says "liar" all the way across the side. Why's he doing this mum?" 

Chas wrapped him in her arms, a hand instinctively coming up to the back of his head, rubbing comfortingly, not caring that she was getting sticky with hair gel.

"He's trying to get in your head. Probably thinks if he scares you you won't show in court. But you have to go and show him he hasn't won. He can't get away with this. Any of it."

Aaron nods against her shoulder and pulls back.

"I'm gonna have a shower, I'm sick of feeling like everything I wear is stained with fucking tears." He storms towards the stairs, unzipping his jacket again and chucking his car keys on the side table in the hall.

Coming back downstairs in a pair of black joggers and a short sleeved tshirt he finds Chas still in the back room.

"It's quiet tonight, so Marlon's covering, no one ever oders food this late anyway he'd only be fondling his pots and pans. Do you want a brew? I convinced Marlon to chuck us a couple of pies together with some chips, thought we could find a naff film or something to watch together. Take your mind off things a bit."

Aaron gave a weak smile.

"Thanks Mum." 

He flopped onto the sofa as Chas busied herself with the kettle and mugs, releived that Aaron wasn't shutting himself away.

He was wearing a tshirt too. That was rare these days. She made a mental note not to look at his scars, even though she was itching to check that there were no knew cuts, trying to take some sort of reassurance that he wouldn't be showing off his arms if he'd been hurting himself again.

****

Carly and Leyla were halfway through the fifth bottle of wine, drunkenly fawning over Robert who had long since fallen asleep.

"Look at him, he's bloody adorable when he's asleep. It's the blonde hair, makes him look proper angelic dunnit?" Leyla said.

"I know, it's a shame he's into blokes really. I'd be all over him." Carly sighed wistfully.

"What do we do with him then? We can't leave him here, what about when Ness and Johnny are up at the crack of dawn and neither of us are around to explain?" Leyla asked.

"Good point, we should send him home really. He's pretty pissed though we should probably go with him, the last thing he needs is waking up a drunken disgrace in the middle of the village, he's in court with Aaron tomorrow. Today. Later."

"Oh God, yeah. Poor Aaron. Mind, poor Robert an'all. Imagine the person you love going through something like that?" Leyla reached out and squeezed Robert's sleeping hand. He stirred a little and gripped back.

"Come on then, best get him moving." Carly relented forcing herself up from the sofa. They pulled their coats on, contemplated boots but through their wine haze decided their furry slipper boots would suffice. 

They manage to rouse Robert without too much of a battle and take an arm each over their shoulders.

"You're bigger than you bloody look!" Carly scolds to Robert who snorts something about there being innuendo there somewhere.

They see him into the house before heading off back accross to theirs, arm in arm and giggling.

Robert stumbles up the stairs and strips gracelessly into a pile at the foot of his bed before diving under the covers.

He doesn't check his phone, so doesn't see the message from Chas; _Please be there tomorrow Robert, I think he really needs you._

****

As the credits roll on the cheesy romcom they've sat laughlessly through for the past 2 hours, Aaron notes Chas yawning for about the hundredth time.

"C'mon, lets go to bed. I'm knackered an'all" he says, knowing that he won't actually sleep but that his mum will stay up as long as he's up.

"Alright then love, I'll see you in the morning yeah? I promise everything is gonna be fine." 

Chas kisses him on the head and makes her way up the stairs. 

Aaron grabs his earphones from the coffee table and heads up after her, choosing to leave the light on, still spooked from earlier.

Shuffling down on his bed, he crams the earphones in deep and puts the music on shuffle, his arms up behind his head, hands clung together so they can't wander and do any damage.

It would be so easy to give in and open up one of his scars, but the memory of Robert is still fresh in his mind, the look of fear on his face when he saw Aaron had been self harming again.

****

It wasn't until he opened his eyes that Aaron realised he'd even been asleep.

He'd done it, he'd made it through the night and he hadn't hurt himself.

He let out a shaky breath and immediately headed downstairs, he needed to keep his mind active and himself around people or he was going to go mad. No matter how much he wanted to shut himself away alone.

"Morning love, you ready?" Chas called from where she was filling the kettle.

"For what? Court isn't til half 2, what time even is it?"

"It's only quater past 10-" Chas starts, taking Aaron by surprise. He knew it had been the early hours when he'd gone to bed but he couldn't remember the last time he'd slept for more than a few hours.

"-but" Chas continued "we've gotta take your car to the garage and ring DS Wise.

"Oh right, yeah. Um, can I have a cuppa first an' then I'll get ready."

"Yeah, course! Do you want a sarnie?" She says eagerly.

"Nah you're alright, mebbe later."

****

Robert wakes with a start, sudden panic setting in remembering that it's the day of court.

He sits up quickly in bed and the blinding pain behind his eyes hits him like a slegehammer.

Wine. Lots of wine. Jesus fucking Christ, as he was pulled further into consciousness he realised just how terrible he felt.

Rubbing his eyes he reached over the edge of the bed to his discarded clothes, wrestling his phone from the pocket of his jeans.

It was ten past one. The hearing started in just over an hour, Robert's phone was almost flat and he needed to shower, there was no way in hell he was showing up to be there for Aaron smelling like a hungover teenage girl.

It was at that moment he realised he had a text from Chas. He read it quickly and leapt out of bed, groaning with pain when it felt like the top of his skull was going to blow off. He rammed the charger into his phone and stumbled into the bathroom.

****

Feeling slightly more human after his shower and brushing his teeth he ran down the stairs for painkillers and coffee. By his reckoning he should have already left by now.

Choking down multiple tablets with an extremely sweet milky coffee he ran back up for his phone just in case Aaron needed to get in touch, and leapt into his car hoping to hell that he wasn't still over the limit.

Mercifully the traffic was light and he made it to the court only a few minutes late.

"Cutting it fine aren't ya?" Belle huffed.

****

Hurrying over to the doors Aaron had just burst through, Robert put a hand on his shoulder.

"Hey, I'm going to give you some time with your mum. If you need me, for anything at all, you give me a ring, yeah?"

Aaron nods and pushes past Robert towards the car, Chas bursting through the door and following. Robert makes his way to where his own car is waiting, knowing that the last thing Aaron needs amongst the Dingles bustling about him is Robert there too asking if he's alright every two minutes. No matter how much Robert wanted to just wrap his arms around him and tell him everything was OK.

Putting the car in gear and heading out of the carpark, Robert could think of only one place to go.

****

Pulling off the motorway just over an hour later, Robert found himself heading into Doncaster.

Finally coming to a stop on the fourth floor of a soulless multistorey carpark, he pulled the keys from the ignition.

This is where he had come to, that day when Max had died.

His dad had sent him away, told him to drive far, far away but he had no idea where to go. He was alone in the world and his eyes had been burning, his whole head throbbing from all of the tears he'd tried to stop flowing.

Robert shifted in his seat and looked out across the town through the gap in the concrete barriers of the carpark. He remembered thinking back then the place had absolutely no personality. No potential. It seemed a fitting place for him, then, if what his dad though of him was true.

He looked down to where his hand was fiddling with his wedding ring. The biggest marker in his life of his failure to do what was expected of him. He'd tried so hard, he desperately wanted to make things work. He had to _show_ people. He wasn't just a failure. A disappointment. He could _be_ something to someone.

It was only now that he was realising he was someone, he was important _to_ someone. After all the shit he'd done, and someone hadn't turned their back on him.

It made his chest ache to think of where he and Aaron might be now if only he had been able to come to terms with it sooner. That the something missing from his whole life had been the one thing he had spent years telling himself he didn't want or need.

He took a breath and twisted the ring off his finger. He expected there to be a rush, a feeling of emptiness or regret, but all that remained was his urge to get back to the village and see Aaron.

He opened the glove box and slipped the ring inside, turned the key and pulled out for the carpark exit.

 

****

It was dark when he arrived back at the village. He headed into the pub and made a beeline for Chas when he saw Aaron wasn't at the bar.

"He's gone for a walk, he said he needed some air." She informs him before he even opens his mouth to ask where he is.

"Right, I'll go and make sure he's ok." Robert turns to leave.

"Rob?"

He tips his head back to Chas waiting for her to tell him stay away.

"Thanks for coming today. I know it'll have helped."

Robert lets out a rueful smile and heads for the door.

****

He knows Aaron is on the bridge before he even gets it in his sights. Sure enough as he turns the corner of the hedgerows there he is, leaning over the side in the darkness.

"I was just coming to find you."

"Yeah, well I came out here to be on my own."

Robert stood alongside him and leaned against the side.

"But this is me..."


End file.
